The Distractionary Tales
by Delicious Mud Pie
Summary: A Canterbury Tale string of stories! One makes fun of--uh--Jackrabbits, another Mario Bros., another Britney Spears, and finally Independence Day! Lots of superheroes in the fourth part!!
1. Prologue

The Distractionary Tales  


  
Prologue  
There was a merry lot in a dull brown van,  
And before they left they were all sure to use the can,  
As their destination was far they needed diversion,  
For their worthy chaperone wished to stray from perversion,  
Of the couples whom to each other were sitting rather near,  
Their future activities the chaperone began to fear,  
Thus she wanted to sway their hormonal minds,  
From smooching or groping of any and all kinds,  
So a suggestion for passage of time was made,  
To tell some stories so the tensions would fade,  
And thus some clothing was put back on  
The moment for some was surely gone,  
And certainly the teens could not refuse,  
Each believing they were they were the better muse.  
Traveling with this stealthy chaperone,  
Were six demented teens so glad to leave home;  
There was Veronica, who was a bit deranged,  
Whose dancing skills left her boyfriend estranged,  
People would call her odd if anything at all,  
She had a tendency when climbing stairs to fall,   
Was inspired to write about nudity and innuendo,  
And flipped off many a driver through a rolled down window,  
She claimed she could lick forty lions in one muck,  
But couldn't for her life hit the broad side of a truck,   
At times she seemed so awfully crass,  
Which was probably a product of playing low brass,  
She loved cartoons, they were her favorite thing on the teley,  
She watched them in bed while eating peanut butter and jelly,  
She forgot to stay ladylike in her long blue dress,   
She worried the chaperone a bit, I must confess,  
But embarrassed more was her boyfriend, who tried to hide in his shirt.  
Then there was Diana, who was a bit of a flirt,  
Who squeaked and giggled and jumped up and down,  
Excited about dancing, romance, and her sexy red gown,  
She put her bra on once again,  
Relived, as strip poker she did not expect to win.  
She was as thin as a rail and as tall too,  
She was extremely hyper and rarely blue,  
Drank coffee like a drunkard drinks rum,  
And was quite taken by her date's round bum.  
She played guitar in jazz and Jack's band,  
A perfect rock babe with hair so blonde and skin so tanned.  
Linda was there too, a girl put on God's green earth  
To eat very little and attain a thin girth,  
To play clarinet and to seem quiet and shy,  
Only to party like mad and smoke crack on the sly,  
Such a good girl she seemed, such a clean piece of paper,  
But when no one was looking, she'd engage in a caper,  
Like going down the hill behind her parent's back with her man,  
Running off to make out and ditching the band,  
Smart she is, but procrastinates, and gets the Canterbury Flu,  
And she's a good friend, and our fashion guru.  
Also there was Lyle, who'd been graduated for two years,  
But not yet was old enough to buy vodka or beers,  
So with forged permission was allowed to the dance,  
Dragged there by Veronica by the seat of his pants,  
He'd rather be at home playing video games and snacking,  
Than on a dance floor with highschoolers, many heavily macking.  
But his woman he couldn't refuse, for she had him whipped,  
Though when this was said the idea was with surety nipped,  
None could deny, he looked great in a tuxedo,  
Though he felt like a waiter, maybe serving a burrito,  
He was sweet often times, silly at most,  
He could wipe the floor with anyone at the arcade, he would boast,  
And it was true, he always kicked Veronica's derriere,  
But that could be because she really didn't care.  
He liked to be the best in anything he tried,  
When he had something to attain he couldn't be denied,  
He worked long hours, and went to school full time,  
Cleanliness was godliness to him, he despised all sorts of grime,  
Though he spread himself to few, he was indispensable,  
He's the only person I knew who thought math was comprehensible.  
Richard was next, sitting beside Linda, his love,  
He'd taken to staring at the ceiling above,  
Not knowing the others as well as they knew each other,  
Though there really wasn't much he'd rather or druther,  
He'd have fun goofing with his friends at the dance,  
but would also be romantic--like a knight with his lance,  
He was quite one for smoochy and mush,  
A gentleman always, no grabbing some tush,  
And although he giggled like a girl a bit in class,  
The ladies he never ever would harass,  
Linda was his dearest one, his lovely flower,  
So far in her presence he never seemed sour.  
The last was David, the least he was too,  
A goof ball straight, a clown through and through,  
He played video games until we thought  
That in no time his mind would surely rot,  
He was a bit of a dirty one, nothing was left clean,  
With him even the most innocent of things could seem  
Dirty as a ketchup stain on the train of a wedding dress,  
Insults were his calling, he was good at it, I must profess,  
The only reason anyone had any attraction to him at all,  
And why his attitude to everyone did not appall,  
Was because it was all in fun, he wasn't really a jerk,  
All guys really had their heads in the murk,  
He would at least entertain on the trip with his antics,   
Though he was never one for romantics,  
He still flirted by throwing things and calling names,  
Things most guys his age would consider silly games.  



	2. Richard's Tale

Richard's Tale 

* * *

So who will go first? the chap quickly asked,  
Hoping her wishes would soon be passed,  
For she wasn't looking forward to porn in her car,  
Especially with her daughter as one of the stars.  
I think I will, Richard smiled, to kick things off,  
I'll tell a tale that will make your heart grow soft.  
Good good, said the chaperone, sighing with relief,  
And the story followed, with not much more grief.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Richard's Tale  
  
Deep in a burrow in the Mojave Desert,  
A warren of Rabbits were alarmed deep in the dirt,  
For one young lad, with fur of shining silk,  
Whose gait was quick and flowed like milk,  
Who all the girls swooned over as he passed,  
Was the subject of why the clan was aghast,  
For their suspicions rose when he snuck out at night,  
When he was spied on, they found it wasn't just for a bite,  
He'd done the forbidden, and the warren was mad,  
He'd brought shame to his family, his mom and his dad,  
Because although love is known to be quite blind,  
T'was a horror who this young one wined and dined.  
the chief called his name in a fit,  
What say you young one, why did you do it?  
But this young rabbit, this specimen fine,   
Answered not, gave neither speech nor sign.  
Look young sir, you'd normally be chastised,  
But I'll give you a warning, for sooth you are baptized,  
Cease your nightly leave and love one of your kind,  
For you can never sneak about, we watch your behind.  
Thus Locoweed could go to his quarters to think about his actions,  
And how he'd engaged in the fellowship of ungodly factions,  
And the chief believed that fear he had instilled,  
That Locoweed's wandering ideas had in the bud been killed,  
However as soon as night fell upon the dusty land,   
Loco was quick to leave his burrow and race across the sand,  
To a tiny mobile home where the stench of meth was abound,  
To the cage of his heart's love, the sweet thing he'd found.  
I will free you, sweet Minnie Lee, he cried,  
And for her freedom he'd have even died.  
He might eternally burn in the staunchness of hell,  
For taking a bite of the forbidden fruit that fell,  
But care he did not, his emotions didn't curdle,  
Though his paramour was an aquatic box turtle.  
Oh dearest Locoweed, the turtle did rave,  
The world would be ours if me you could save!  
I'd rather be with no other than you, cherub sweet,  
Though our love's continuation will be a great feat.  
Locoweed's heart was a flutter, as he could tell,  
Nothing had more beauty than Minnie Lee's golden shell.  
Minnie Lee my fellow rabbits warned me not to come tonight,  
But their interference is ignored, it just isn't right!  
With that speech Locoweed shook in anger,  
For because of his amore his life was in danger,  
Something innocent and sweet might cause his demise,  
He kissed Minnie Lee quickly with tears in his eyes,  
If I die now in my mission I will fail,  
He surmised, then turned back and turned tail.  
Locoweed, poor thing, didn't think he'd be caught,  
But as soon as he returned he was surrounded, hands red and hot.  
We know where you've been, the chief began to speak,  
And we like it not, why are you such a freak?  
For this you will be punished, your execution is to be  
The day after next, for all the bunnies to see.  
Locoweed was stunned, and was dragged to jail,  
A cell in which no one could try and post bail.  
His parents cried, of course, though they did agree,  
That Locoweed's punishment had come deservedly.  
So thus the days past as he sat in hunger and wait,  
When he was taken by guards to his final fate.  
The rabbits gathered round, for a disturbing rite,  
Of head-butting the victim to their untimely final good night.  
Locoweed was cornered, and he went tharn in fear,  
Too still to even shed for his love a single tear.  
But saved he was, but something almost too good to be true!  
A coyote on the lookout for some great rabbit stew!  
The aggressors did scatter, and Locoweed ran as fast as he ever had,  
To the terrarium of his dearest, his forever love, he was so glad  
That he out paced the coyote, and another bunny he nabbed,  
But when he reached the home of his love, in the heart he was jabbed.  
She was in the company of a rather dashing horny toad,  
And she had obviously left him for one who blended with the road.  
Heart broken, Locoweed left, sobbing like the world's flay,  
Not knowing what to do, he had no where he could stay.  
He ran and ran and ran and thought he had nothing to live for,  
When all the sudden a voice rang clear and knocked at his heart's door.  
Why are you so sad, she said, her voice as sweet as sugar,  
Locoweed looked up to see, while sniffing a stray booger.  
She was the most beauteous, lovely thing he'd ever met,  
A ground squirrel with eyes quite widely set.  
I think I shall be fine, he said, with a smile debonair,  
For soon enough Minnie Lee wasn't of his care.  
  
  


Words Between Richard and those in the Van  
  


You're brilliant, Linda cheered, while kissing her fair date,  
Why how romantic, what a tale, before our night so late.  
The others were quite disposed to sit still and reflect,  
Upon how much sap one story could possibly collect.  
You think that was good, said David, with a sneer,  
I'll tell one that will make you shed a tear,  
For it has heroes, and a princess, and a kingdom of fungi,  
Why, in this story, there's all pieces of the pie.  
You'll wonder why I've never before shared such a piece,  
It would make the grandest musical since Ragtime or Grease!  
Linda wasn't quite so sure, then let's hear it, Mother Goose,  
I don't think that Richard's tale you can spruce,  
But you may as well try and fail, that's your freedom of speech,  
But there's no way Richard's prowess you could ever reach!  
David sneered and called her dare,   
You'll see, my maiden fair,  
That I can indeed make that fool's story sound like holy hell,  
Because mine will have you bound in its compelling spell!  
With that the host dreaded what was to come,  
For David was one with less cooth than most everyone,  
But everyone else apprehended some humor,  
Though it might be as funny as their Grandma's tumor,  
And were quiet, set to listen to what promised to be okay at the most  
If not one of them could surely show him up with their grander boast.


	3. David's Tale

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
David's Tale  
  
There once were two plumbers, the best in the biz,  
Who one day learned what adventure really is,  
When after working on some fateful pipe,  
They were taken from their job of little hype,  
And were dropped in the middle of a foreign land,  
With pipes galore stretching across the sand.  
The people of this land were a type of fungus,  
Sentient at that, though small, not humongous.  
They seemed to be despairing, that was clear,  
And t was found it was because they'd lost their princess dear.  
The plumbers were approached by a fungus named Toad,  
Who beseeched the men to bring her back to her abode.  
Without a thought the plumbers agreed,  
Asking no reward, for they were men without greed.  
They then were told she was taken by Bowser, the fiend,  
Who would not rest until the kingdom he gleaned,  
And with Princess Toadstool in his hands,  
The fungi were powerless to defend their lands,  
And thus he sat in his castle in pools of lava,  
Diabolically laughing while sipping some java,  
Letting his minions tear his kingdom to bits,  
Sitting back, not using his wits,  
But he was soon to be ambushed for sure,  
As new heroes in the land did stir,  
Two plumbers by the names Mario and Luigi,  
From Brooklyn, mind you, not Taiwan or Fiji.  
However, assured as he was, Bowser had his spies,  
And when he learned of the populous' joyous cries,  
That they'd be rescued, salvaged and saved,  
To his strategic adviser he ranted and raved,  
And they came up with a plan to detour the heroes,  
With minions and worlds that would leave them zeros.  
All the help the heroes had were shrooms and the occasional coin,  
Flowers that made them spit fire saved them from kicks to the groin,  
When thus it came to be that the plumbers reached a castle,  
There with many minions and Bowser they did rassle,  
But ho! This one was a fake! In another castle was he!  
Bowser set up fakes, hoping the plumbers would flee,  
For they progressively were harder, and though each a success,  
Every time they grew weary, they were tired, I profess.  
Give up they did not, their spirit did not lack,  
Though it took eight castles until the real one they could hack,  
They had to swim through treacherous water,  
Jumping gaping pits, some filled with lava, which were hotter,  
Dodge the ammo of ca-cannons, kill turtles throwing hammers,  
Diffuse dangerous b-bombs, leave all their earthly glamours,  
The last challenge they would face would not end their time,  
Falter they would not, they didn't feel like dying.  
Peril after peril they crossed, near death they did reach,  
They were weary when the true Bowser's base they did breach,  
They both ran across the bridge where the enemy was standing,  
Spitting fire and throwing hammers, jumping up and then landing,  
Once across the bridge Mario jumped upon an axe of gold,  
And Bowser fell to his death in lava, where never again he'd be cold.  
They raced past this into the castle's dismal dungeon room,  
And when they found her each wished that he did groom,  
For a beauty she was, there was no doubt,  
The brothers thought her one worthy to fight about,  
Each asked her out, each was mad at the other,  
What a beaut she must be, to turn brother against brother.  
Do not fret, the princess assured them as they fought,  
I don't want my saviors to fight because they think I'm hot,  
There's no reason, don't take that family feud fall!  
I'm rather flexible, there's enough of me for all!  
With that word all was good and well,  
They lived forever in mushroom land rather than return to hell,  
And there my friends, does my story end,  
About heroism and the luck it does send.  
  


Words Between those in the Van and David  
  


The men in the car hollered and cheered,  
For after such a situation they often leered,  
Their spirits rose and they guffawed in glee,  
But the girls sat and stewed, rather stoically,  
Now who, David dared, has a story now,  
That could be good at all compared to my fine row!  
At this one could stay silent no longer,  
I'll tell one, you dopey crack monger!  
It was Veronica, fuming for the rights of her gender,  
As she felt such a threesome really did offend her,  
You play too many video games, and you're a sex fiend too!  
I'll tell a story that will wipe the floor with the likes of you!  
You're a he-bitch man-whore and I'd beat you down,  
If our honorable chaperone wouldn't beat me sound.  
I'll tell a story of real heroics, not the spewing of hormones,  
And I'll beat you over the head if anyone zones,  
For though it's never good to tell a tale in anger,  
Poetry is best with a bit of angst in the hanger,  
So sit back and watch your butt be blown away,  
Because unlike yours, my story won't be gay!  
David thus raised the proper addressing finger,  
And Veronica paid him double, a real zinger,  
Now listen carefully and shut your cake holes,  
This one ought to rattle your unholy souls,  
Leave your viagra behind, passengers here,  
It won't help you after the horrors you will fear,  
When you hear of the most diabolical villain on earth,  
And how she was stopped in her Machiavellian mirth.


	4. Veronica's Tale

Veronica's Tale 

* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Veronica's Tale  
  
A scuttling could be heard across the rooftops,  
Of the one for whom evil's buck stops,  
The sky was pitch, as pitch as black,  
But loud as the fool who sits on a tack,  
For the world seemed to crash about everyone's ears,  
For the biggest horror of anyone's greatest fears  
Was created by that maddest, the greatest villain of all,  
That super genius monkey who wasn't all too tall,  
The one whose name everyone in the world did know,  
That primate that only went by the name Mojo Jojo.  
His creation reared its hideous, horrible head,  
Dashing out buildings and spreading a wave of dread,  
Everyone on earth who could help was on call,  
But so far they'd been practically little help at all.  
The man who cruised the skies from roof to roof,  
Had remained thus far the most blatantly aloof,  
Searching for weakness in the enemy he faced,  
But while assessing the task his heart began to race,  
His mind with hopelessness and sheer awe was filled,  
How could a fifty story tall Brittany Spears be killed?  
Superman tried first, but was utterly crushed,  
His attempts thwarted by a mash from her bust,  
Then Wonder Woman was next, her lasso held high,  
Stopped in her tracks by a formidable cry,  
Which some believed was some sort of song,  
And I refuse to believe it, no song could be so wrong.  
Batman and Robin then had their fair go,  
And my oh my, it was quite a good show,  
But in the end, like the others, their attempt bore no fruition,  
Grande Miss Spears would be stopped at no one's volition.  
Then from Japan a plane flew to the vicinity,  
And from it came the great Sailor Senshi,  
And from other worldly parts the greatest army of all time  
Gathered to defeat this terrible aberration, this slime,  
Everyone declared that Mojo Jojo had surely gone too far,  
For such a thing upon everyone would leave a mental scar,  
As this was one babe even Johnny Bravo wouldn't hit on,  
Her untalented shrieks made everyone wish they were dead, gone,  
It was so bad that the heroes all came to agree,  
That it was worse than last night's giant Barney.  
Some thought that they had died and gone to hell,  
And it was truth, as far as anyone thus could tell,  
But some still had hope that the heroes would succeed,  
And our roof-dwelling hero, Spiderman, agreed.  
The senshi failed, despite a Sailor Planet attack,  
And all the while Spidey's brain he did rack,  
There had to be some weakness, some way to stop her,  
Her flesh-baring clothing was begining to disturb  
The children, they wailed, and covered their ears,  
As oops I did it again gave them nightmares for years,  
Baby hit me one more time, the monstrosity called,  
I wish someone would hit you, said someone appalled.  
She terrorized the city by rubbing her chest,  
All over anyone or anything undressed.  
Spiderman retired to his home for a moment of thought,  
To wonder how such a dastardly being could be fought.  
He watched the TV, trying to get away from the news,  
To find something that might serve as a muse,  
And lo and behold! The infamous discovery channel,  
There was a series on hunting told by some guy named Dannel,  
Where a tribe of a couple of stealthy men,  
Took down a wildebeest, their method bringing Zen,  
To Spidey who now knew the plan that would take place,  
Spears would go down, right in Jojo's face!  
Thus Spidey left again to swing amongst the rooftops,  
Surveying the damage, knowing he'd pull all the stops.  
Spidey called for the aid of the heroes, all fallen,  
Hey all, let's give this ho bag a maulin'!  
And so his plan to them he leaked,  
And everyone's interest was undoubtedly piqued.  
We'll defeat the freak and huck her into the lake,  
By the means of her very own name sake!  
Thus the building began, it was quick,  
For any more of the woman would make everyone sick,  
And each had their own weapon, and they let out a cheer,  
For they dove after Brittany each wielding a spear!  
The great beast let out a hideous wallow,  
But easier than her singing it was to swallow,  
And the spears pierced that which Spidey thought was her weak spot,  
Those little additions which made twelve year olds find her hot,  
The resulting flood was prepared for in advance,  
Or silicone would be for weeks staining the people's pants.  
The town was evacuated, so the creature was left to drown,  
In her own breast implants, the biggest in the town,  
After all were sure that she was surely good and dead,  
After even Superman gave her a final kick in the head,  
Her body was barbecued in the biggest skewer ever,  
And her head was put on a great gigantic tether,  
On a world that Superman had visited that appreciated the loads,  
He also took the silicone, for they used it to pave roads,  
And nothing was wasted, the city was repaired,  
It was better than ever, and every life was spared.  
  
  
  
  


Words Between Veronica and those in the Van  
  


David frowned, not believing he was shown up,  
You're just bitter, because you have an A cup!  
Veronica frowned, and replied in kind,  
Just wait, young man, I'll give you a piece of my mind--  
But she was stopped before landing her punch,  
By Lyle, who had a rather good hunch,  
That he'd have to break it up if blows were landed,  
And the both he readily reprimanded,  
Don't talk about my woman like that, he said,  
Or I'll beat you like you've never seen,  
For that comment was way too mean,  
And Veronica, don't start a fight, are you crazy?  
You have the strength of a frog, you're so lazy.  
I'll tell a story, neutral to everyone in the car,  
So that we don't kill each other before we get very far.  
The host was relieved, she wouldn't have to erupt,  
Stop the car and then tie everyone up.  
My story will be one that will help everyone relax,  
A thriller that no one's conscience will tax.  
So everyone simmered down to listen to what he had to say,  
Hoping that his tale would surely save the day.


	5. Lyle's Tale

Lyle's Tale 

* * *

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Lyle's Tale  
The morning was a clear one,   
The sky was scorched by the sun,  
A child woke to go out and play,  
Believing this a normal day,  
Then ran inside his house to shout,  
Mom, dad, you've gotta come out!  
The aliens have come, and they're gonna get us!  
The dad grumbled, scratching his anus,  
You're mom musta been smoking some cheap crack  
When she was pregnant, to help her aching back.  
He rolled over and began to snore,  
But the child to them did implore,  
Listen! I'm no crack baby! What I say is true!  
Do you wanna die, here, in bed, before taking your morning poo?  
So the parents woke, grumbling in a manner profuse,  
Proclaiming that if he was wrong they'd both bust out the noose.  
However, the sky was indeed filled with a space ship,  
One that looked like it had taken an awfully long trip,  
But how to stop it? That was what perplexed some,  
But this family knew there was nothing to do but run,  
And though the televisions advised not to leave their lodge,  
Everyone and their brother was getting the hell out of Dodge.  
Military ships were sent, of course the attempts were futile,  
They were shot down, and of course, the alien race was hostile.  
One was captured by one of the military personnel,  
Who promptly told the alien to burn in hell,  
He wanted to go into space more than anything in the world,  
Were his story more pitiful you all would have hurled,  
It was obvious that this alien invasion circumstance,  
Was willed by God to give this wanna be spaceman his chance.  
The brightest scientists in all the land could not uncover the aliens' puzzle,  
But some loser cable guy learned their secret with relatively no trouble.  
They were gonna bomb the hell out of earth, sparing none,  
So they could land upon it and have their great fun.  
So it came to pass that everyone flailed like mad,  
The Whitehouse was blown to bits, though that would make some glad,  
Every big city was destroyed, apparently to destroy  
The defense obviously already inferior they'd deploy.  
Why not all at once, you ask? Well, I'll tell you if they did,  
That wouldn't be very sporting, the president could not have hid  
With this great cable guy, and the black air force dude,  
Who everyone knew would save the world with their charismatic tude.  
The aliens had technology that far surpassed that of the earth,  
But thus they hadn't prepared for it, to the cable guy's great mirth,  
By coincidence the programs of the computer systems were compatible,  
And without this fact the aliens would not have been combatible.  
The cable guy made a virus that would disable the alien's system,  
But they'd have to board the ship, they might as well have walked up and kissed em.  
They ended up in Area 51, where of course all government secrets are hidden,  
And with a discovery there the heroes were obviously quite smitten,  
For there was a ship, of this particular alien race's same type,  
And for lack of anything the defense couldn't anymore gripe,  
For the ship was easily flown by an earthman's capable hands,  
Running still, and it's quite real, how quickly human knowledge expands,  
The osmosis principle factored in, as the air force dude could fly like a bird,  
In this foreign ship that quite reminded everyone of a giant turd.  
So off they flew to save their world form aliens set to kill,  
Boarded the mother ship and inside their vessel tried to remain very still  
So the aliens wouldn't notice it was flown by humans, so naturally they flew,  
If an alien could drive your car you might think they were human too,  
And they uploaded a virus that would disable the shields with a ping  
So the dudes in the military could then do their thing,  
They had three minutes before a bomb would go off in space,  
However, making their escape quite the thrilling race,  
Those three minutes seemed to span nearly an hour,  
But not to be nitpicky, that would make the tale go sour,  
And they made it with not a second to spare,  
Hurled to earth, with a great heroic flair,  
Though the world was saved from the lowering of the shields,  
Which then exposed the ships' weakness, big as fields,  
The two who uploaded the virus needed to be safe,  
For their women stayed behind because there needed to be someone to chafe  
If the return of the men was not prompt, if this crazy plan didn't work,  
If doomsday in its essence around the corner did lurk,  
But alas, later than expected, the men did arrive,  
Ambling across the desert, not a scratch on either hide,  
Each was hugged and kissed enough for a few,  
Now was a perfect time to get married too,  
For after all if there's anything you learn from the show,  
If there's anything that absolutely everyone should know,  
It's that the law of the universe faithfully bends,  
And the good guy and humanity in the end always wins.  
  
  


Words Between Lyle and the others in the van  
  


Though I'd never say naught but you are genuine and clever,  
That story seems familiar, I swear, or my right arm I'd sever,  
Said Veronica, who that time had already guessed,  
Where that story by some other medium was professed,  
But Lyle shook his head and wearily sighed,  
Look, it's not as if I said it was mine and lied,  
It was merely an attempt at a sardonic look,  
At a movie that at one time had me by the hook,  
But when more carefully observed it is plain to see,  
It has more plot holes than a termite infested tree.  
Not to say it's not enjoyable, I was trying to have some fun,  
From the rest of your stories I think I was the only one.  
Veronica pouted a bit, then stiffened her lip,  
For a story was surely on the tongue's tip,  
Of Linda and Diana, who stood eager to tell,  
But it was the chaperone who was the reason their hearts fell,  
Sorry girls, she shrugged, we're at our destination,  
We can't hear your insanity or sexual exploitation,  
Maybe on the way home young ones, but for now it is forgotten,  
Or at least I hope it will be, I think those tales were rotten.  
The dance is what we came for anyway, so get your butts out,  
And I will say this now, though I've never been very devout,  
Praise the lord I have the next few hours to myself,  
I'll be needing them if I'm to retain my mental health.  
And with that they all shoved off to the dance,  
Not giving the van a first or second glance,  
Forgetting the stories they'd so recently told,  
Forgetting the grudges made, they were old.  
The chaperone decided never to drive teenagers again,  
She couldn't stand their raunchy minds to begin,  
And plus she'd be up past one am living in nightmare,  
At least there are only two proms, and her other kids weren't there.


End file.
